Creative Writing Journal, February

2/3--F(X)UND Y(X)U--

"It</b>'s here!" Alice practically exploded through the door. "It</b>'s h- aieee!"

My vision clouded and a low static hum pounded in my ears. The entire room looked like it had its contrast turned up all the way. Alice's scream sounded more like droning feedback. I turned around in what felt like slow motion. It</b> was standing there, arms outstretched.

H(X)W CAN Y(X)U RUN AWAY

WHEN I AM ALREADY HERE</b>

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--2/6Theatre of Minds--

Shadows through what does not yet rise
Time slows to a gentle creep
Below the stars and above the Earth
The harp gently weeps
What song plays for what does not exist
Does the song exist at all

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2/6--What New Mystery--

faith can only go
as far as you can yourself
do we really die

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2/9--Long Way from Home--

"You're a long way from home, boy," the frog said in the voice of Morgan Freeman being autotuned.

I turned to face the frog. It was bright yellow. "I'm what?"

"Home. You're a long way from it." The frog began morphing into a head of lettuce. The lettuce seemed to shrug. "Just saying." The lettuce spontaneously combusted.

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2/14--Pizza--

"Pizza's up!"

"Pizza? I said garlic bread!"

Rico looked at the pizza sitting on the window between the kitchen and the dining room. "Oh."

"That pizza's coming out of your wages."

"No, no, here, let me-" Rico dumped garlic powder over the pizza. "There. Garlic bread, with built-in dipping sauce!"

It was crazy. So crazy, it just might work.

The customers left in disgust.

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2/14--Trouble at the Suburban Family's House--

"Oh, no! Our grill is dead," the Suburban family cried in monotone unison. "How can we have the Suburban Family Annual Barbecue?"

With a scream of "POTATISAR, I PLURAL!" and a sudden rain of potatoes, Niclas, world's foremost Swedish chef and mayonnaise enthusiast, exploded onto the scene.

"He's come to fix our grill! The barbecue is saved!"

Producing a cutting board, a bag of onions, and a meat cleaver, Niclas shouted "Not grill! Swedish style! Terminera löken!"

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2/14--Murder in Nut City--

The murder was a gristly one, that was for sure. It looked to be a hit and run, but it was far too violent to just be that. Bits of shell were all over the street. Lacerations covered the body. There were tire imprints on the skull.

No doubt about it, Mister Peanut had been... cracked.

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2/14--The Smell of Beyond--

Anyone who entered Kay "Grandma" McAllen's bathroom wouldn't have noticed the charming knick-knacks that inhabited it, nor the decorative blue toilet water, or even the new tile she had put in a year or so back.

People noticed the smell.

It was an overpoweringly salty smell somewhat reminiscent of potpourri, which is what everyone assumed it was. In reality, it was the scent of what lies beyond. Though she hated having to deal with it, Kay "Grandma" McAllen's bathroom was a gateway to at least twelve different planes, five dimensions, fifteen alternate universes, and a void beyond infinity.

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2/14--Tea=/=Serving--

"That's a lot of chili powder."

"So?" Darryl dumped the spice into a spoon. "It says to add a lot."

"It says to add a teaspoon!"

"Tea, table, serving, whatever. Same thing." Darryl dumped the serving spoon full of chili into the pot. Its contents turned an unsettlingly dark color of brown.

"Is it safe to eat?"

"Eh, probably." Darryl pointed his spoon at the soup. "How bad could i- AGH!"

The soup, which had grown tentacles, wrapped itself around Darryl. "Oh Christ, it's caustic! It's burning my flesh!"

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2/15--Elevators--

The elevator smelled funny.

Objectively, there were a lot of things wrong with the elevator. The light on the 4F button was burned out. There was a dark stain in the corner that refused to come out, no matter how much OxyClean was poured on it. The handrail was a tetanus risk. Most peoples' lists stopped there.

Harold's did not.

Harold hated the way the floor creaked when you stepped on one certain spot. Harold hated the huge dent in the second floor door. Harold hated the light that hummed too loudly. And, of course, Harold hated how the elevator smelled funny.

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2/15--Extra Point--

"What smells like baking?"

"Hm? Oh, I made cookies."

Earl stepped into the kitchen. "Cookies."

Douglas pointed at his roommate's counter.

"You don't bake." He stared at a cookie. "Should this be shortbread?"

"Yeah."

"It's brown."

"Aren't they s-"

"Burnt brown."

"Oh." After a pause: "I'm not very good at baking."

Earl, whose curiosity had gotten the better of him, took a bite of dark brown shortbread, made a face, and disposed of the infernal pastry before Douglas could notice. "No, they're just a little, ah, done."

"Do you think Sophie would like them?"

Earl stopped. Sophie was Douglas's hopeless crush. Recently, they had become almost friends. These cookies could not help. "Uh, I'm not sure. She doesn't really seem like someone who likes this kind of stuff."

"She works at a bakery."

"Ah." Earl fumbled, recovered, and ran for the end zone. "Isn't she on a diet?"

"Oh. Yeah." Touchdown. "Do you want one?"

Going for the extra point. "Nah, I'm not hungry."

"You sure?"

"Yeah. I'm gonna go play Team Fortress."

"Alright." From outside the kitchen, Earl could hear the sound of Douglas scraping the cookies into the garbage.

Extra point good.

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2/21--The Forthcoming Horror--

Jerry was panicking.

In less than two minutes, two demons, all pointed teeth and hellfire eyes and claws made for rending and tearing would beat down his front door, eat all his food, and insult his honor (and then probably kill him).

The doorbell rang.

The in-laws had arrived.

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2/27--Slendy Haiku--

what's d(x)ne is n(x)t d(x)ne

n(x)thing is everything

(where has the light g(x)ne?)